I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
