I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
