in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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