Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
