We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
