Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
