True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
