At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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