Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
