I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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