well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
