Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
