I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
