They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
