dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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