Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You pole danced in your parka.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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