Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So apparently I’m into choking now
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