If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize