Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Can I color on your dick again?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
