I accidentally burped into my bong.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
