I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
