just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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