Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
