seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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