everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
