i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
