i think i have herpe
just one?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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