This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
