Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
