yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
