i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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