hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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