Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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