So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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