we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
