My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
