he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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