am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
