woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize