they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
