God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
