oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
