some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
