1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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