Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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