Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
