38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
