At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize