Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
People with herpes should wear stickers.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
