im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm passing your future prison.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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