Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
