so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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