he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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