Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
