Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
