I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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