Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
In America we eat man semen.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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