He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Couch. On fire.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
