just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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