obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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