I CAN MOONWALK!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i need to put some appletini on your dick
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
