i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
