I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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