After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
