I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
