Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
