so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
