you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
