Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
