I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
