it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
