I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize