So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
