Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You're a waste of cheezeits
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
