everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
