so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
