i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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