im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
