when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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