Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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