Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
