My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
