fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
