We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
