I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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