If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
