ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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