imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
