all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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