I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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