is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
