I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize