I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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