I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
