where am i from again
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I am never drinking with the goths again.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
