i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
