a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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