the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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