my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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