How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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