how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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