Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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