honey bunches of taint.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
