saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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