So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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