i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
