she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
